Its interesting when you find out your pregnant and you’re a self proclaimed #bosslady — its even more interesting when you and your husband have recently decided after years of unsuccessful “trying” that you are okay with another 5 years of no children that you find out.
This is exactly what happened to me. Oct 2016.
I was feeling awful. Googling. Searching the Mayo Clinic website.
Of course the result was.
—–You are dying of cancer…—–
After 3+ years of no baby I believed it. Embarrased as I am so admit now as all the signs pointed to pregnancy. It just didn’t enter my thoughts of possibilities.
Barfing in the gym parking lot
Getting hammered off of a few glasses of wine
Wanting to sleep for ever
Did I mention barfing….like all the time
My heart rate would sky rocket at the gym
My boobs hurt like a mother all the time.
All in all I just felt super crummy…never wanting to get out of bed.
Sounds like a dream….well ladies I hate to say it – these are all possibilities that you can experience getting knocked up and expecting a bundle of joy.
After what was weeks of this non-sense my practical lover finally decided we should rule out the C word, after all he secretly thought I was being ridiculous and had already come to the conclusion I was pregnant. So off he went to the store to pick up some pregnancy tests…while I sat at home anxious I had peed on a damn stick so many times it was exhausting to even potentially get my hopes up. And to be completely transparent I was not okay with being pregnant This was not apart of our new 5 year plan. I wasn’t looking for a positive result…it had taken months but I was FINALLY not thinking about having a baby all the time.
Anyways at 6am on a friday morning I woke up to pee…oh did I mention the first trimester when you pee all the time….another clue I just disregarded. Anyways to my shock and disappointment it was positive.
While its rather weird to admit that my first reaction was not a “Hallmark” moment. It was real. I was scared out of my mind, angry, and super overwhelmed.
Ryan and I are entrepreneurs and we had just started a new gig that we was not resulting in a consistent paycheck yet and was taking tons and tons of our time. Now I had to launch a business, grow a human and feel like garbage all well acting as if everything was fine until we were in the “safe zone”
Long story short I ended up with 20+ weeks of morning sickness…
Over the course of this 20+ weeks we attended ultrasounds and midwife appts. My anger turned to being scared which has now turned to scared/excited. As I write this now at 33wks (8 months pregnant) There is a human kicking me and sitting on my bladder. I want to meet her tomorrow yet I’m okay with her cooking longer at the same time. It’s a super complex weird time of emotions and hormones.
I started off refusing to be a “mompreneur” – expecting I would be back in the office the week after birth. I just didn’t want to fall into this mom trap of my life being consumed by a tiny human. But somewhere along the way it happened anyway. I don’t know if it was the first time we heard her heartbeat or witnessing how much my husband has changed over the months. If it was the first baby gift we received or the first kick. But somewhere over the past 8 months my priorities have changed.
I now spend more of my days – resting and reading. Planning her future. Worried about what she will be when she grows up. Concerned she will have manners but be strong and badass. Wanting to protect her before she’s even arrived and beyond excited to see my husband hold her and nurture her. Worrying less about working all the time and more about our future and our family.
What I am trying to say to all the soon to be first time parents out there is. First it’s completely okay not to be okay with the change in your lifestyle and family situation and there is no reason to feel any shame or any guilt over it. For Ryan and I it’s been 10 years of just us and our dogs. This is and has been a huge adjustment.
Second to the moms out there. Its okay not to do it all. I have watched my husband take over things like a boss. From house cleaning to more parts of the business. I originally felt super guilty and then I realized this is an incredible time in our lives that doesn’t last forever and growing a human is hard work. At this moment breathing is difficult and walking let alone cleaning toilets. This is what a marriage/partnership is, working together to achieve a common goal. Picking up the slack when someone is in need. Helping each other out.
Thirdly – what ever choices you make for your business and you family. Do what is right for you and your family alone. Don’t allow someone else to make you feel guilty or lesser for taking time off. Or going back quickly. Don’t get stuck in your head that you should be doing more. It is okay for priorities to change, your schedule to change. You might just need to get better at managing it.
Here is a few of the things Ryan and I have done to stay focused on our business all well adjusting for the arrival of BabyJ.
- We set new goals. Wrote them out, had discussions.
- We de cluttered our home and got rid of all the things we didn’t need.
- We discussed financially what we really wanted and if reduced working time and income was okay for us for increased quality time with the baby.
- We communicated on things I was needing help with in the business and at home.
- We focused more on our schedule and booking out calendar vs just going with the flow and allowing others to dictate our work load.
- We focused on our team of leadership and handing things over to them.
- We adopted the motto if no one is dying the world won’t end – when something isn’t perfect.
- We accepted that when she arrives we have ZERO idea on what will happen and that is okay.
- We are open to bringing her with us to work, travel and to meetings.
- She will always be why we do what we do and never an excuse.
Bonus Tip —-> Do your research on what you really need when the baby arrives. This will save you a load of money if you do not get sucked into all the baby advertising vortex. They really do not need as much as all the advertising wants you to believe.
A lot can change in just a short period of time. I am sure over the next 7-10 weeks it’s going to change even more. We are doing our best to prepare to have some time off and have work set up to go on without us. It’s been a blessing as a self admitted control freak – BabyJ has forced me to let go and allow others to do the work. Which can only result in the right people stepping up and the ability for our business to grow even larger.
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